English Radio Program

10 July 2008

MARRIAGE BASHING

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31

“Marriage is a relationship in which a woman never gets what she expects and a man never expects what he gets,” so said someone. Another cynic tells of a conversation a dad had with his school-age boy, who asked, “Dad, I hear that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Is that right?” and the dad replies, “That happens in most countries, son.”

Yes, there's a lot of difference between good-natured humor as we laugh at ourselves, and denigrating the institution of marriage itself. Today marriage bashing has become a popular pastime, and it isn't simply embittered feminists who are doing it, either. “One of the problems in trying to shore up the institution of marriage,” says John Leo, “is that so many of the professionals who teach and write about it—counselors, therapists, academics, and popular authors—really don't support marriage at all. Some depict it as archaic and inherently oppressive. Others give it tepid support as just one of many acceptable adult arrangements.” 1

No matter how great are its detractors, it is still the only means of meeting each other's deep needs, of providing an environment which provides health, stability and security for adults as well as children, and sustaining society as a whole. When God decreed, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), it was not because he wanted to inhibit his creativity or pleasure but to allow for personal growth and development.

What's wrong with marriage is not marriage itself but a misunderstanding of what its purpose and function is all about. When everything fails, we usually go back to the blueprint, to the essential fundamentals, to determine what's gone wrong and why something is failing. And that's what we need to do today.

We are told that the rights of individuals are more important than subjugating our selfish whims for the overall good of a family. Not so. The statistics demonstrate that those who insist on their rights usually end up alone, frustrated, and bitter.

We are told that children inhibit the marital satisfaction of a couple. Who would deny that diapers, middle-of-the-night feedings, and corralling kids through school is a challenge to your personal attainment and happiness? Yet more than 130 studies prove that in the long run it is parents who are healthier and happier than their “do your own thing without kids” counterparts.

We are told that it is better to be a single parent than to have a child grow up in an environment where couples quarrel. Again, the facts do not support the allegation. Children growing up in single homes are more apt to have broken homes themselves, more prone to experiment with drugs, less likely to excel academically. The fact is that a child needs both a mother and a father. Kids are not incubated in production centers like chickens. They are human beings who are grown with love, care, and nurture. The distinctively different parenting styles of a mother and a dad help a child fully understand who he or she is and what life is about.

We are told that marriage hurts women, makes them sex slaves, and restricts their development. Along with marriage bashing, the depreciation of motherhood is also the theme of the cultural elite who think that the only valid contribution of men is to father children.

The problem is that what we are being told isn't the way it is. Though marriage is taking a lot of hits today, there is no better way to have needs met and to find happiness. Don't believe everything you hear. It isn't that the “experts” are not intelligent; it's just that they know so many things which just are not true.

Resource reading: Mark 10:1-8.

1 John Leo, “Marriage bashing a la mode,” U.S. News & World Report, September 22, 1997, p. 14.