English Radio Program

28 August 2008

IT'S EASY TO BE A DAD, OH YEAH?

They made me the keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept. Song of Solomon 1:6, NKJV

It's easy to be a dad, at least biologically. It's the challenge of your life, though, to be a good one. Long ago, Paul wrote to Corinthian men whose culture was not much different from that of ours today, and he said, “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13). Another translation puts it, “Act like men!” Not bad advice for men today, many of whom just aren't there for their kids.

How important are men when it comes to social, spiritual, and emotional development? Far more than our generation has supposed. Clinical psychologist Dr. David Horn is convinced that “the notion that single-parent households are just as effective and desirable as traditional families has caused an epidemic of violence, pregnancy, drug abuse, and suicide among today's teens.”

He doesn't mince words when it comes to this issue. “Our culture,” he says, “needs to replace the idea of the superfluous father with a more compelling understanding of the critical role fathers play in the lives of their children, not just as ‘paychecks,' but as disciplinarians, teachers, and moral guides. And fathers must be physically present in the home. They can't simply show up on the weekends for pre-arranged ‘quality time.'”

You who are good dads hear what I've just shared and sit back and say, “Well, that doesn't apply to me. I'm there for my kids.” But much of the time, when you are there, you really aren't there at all. I'm thinking of one dad who told me, “I know that I should spend time with my son so I take him to a baseball game occasionally, yet when I'm there, I don't enjoy it. I'd much rather be home working.”

You who feel like that have a problem, a big one, and you are the only one in the world who can unhook, and learn to be a dad who enjoys his role as a father and companion. A dad can be just as derelict who travels constantly and comes home tired and worn out as one who has abandoned his family and is never there.

I'll never forget the time I spoke of a Christian leader as a man of leadership and compassion. I pointed out that the organization he founded had touched the lives of thousands of children around the world. After I had finished, a woman approached me. As she began to speak, her voice was breaking with emotion. She asked, “Did you really know [and she mentioned the name of the man I had spoken of]?” Wondering what was about to follow, I said, “Yes, I think so.” “You didn't know him like I did,” she said, adding, “I was Sharon 's best friend.” And then I knew why she was angry. Sharon, the daughter of the man who had done so much for so many children in the world, took her life in her late teen years.

As a torrent of words came out, she told me how she had been in that home when the dad came back from overseas trips, physically and emotionally exhausted and transferred those emotions to the family, who paid for his stretching himself so thin. Yes, I could tell you emotional stories of dads who had no time for their children, until the kids were gone; but guilt seldom ever motivates anyone to be the man God would have you to be. What does it takes to be a promise keeper? What does it take to be there for your kids? It takes a conscious decision that your children and your family are more important than your work, your love of sports, or your misplaced preoccupation with a computer.

“Dad, act like a man,” was Paul's advice. It's still the need of the day.

Resource reading: Philippians 1