Bible Text: Proverbs 22:6 | Speaker: Dr. Harold J. Sala | Series: Guidelines For Living | Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost. Proverbs 22:6, The Message

In his book Signs of the Times author John Drescher points out that children go through three phases of development in their transition from the organization of childhood to the disorganization of youth, which results in the reorganization of adulthood. Drescher calls the first the age of regulation which begins at birth and continues through about age six or seven. The second period is the age of imitation, from age seven to about age twelve. That’s the time when a youngster begins to notice that being different makes you stand out from the crowd, and peer pressure kicks in. Then comes the challenge: phase three–the age of inspiration during the teen years.

Frankly, parenting teens is the most challenging of the entire process, but without question the most important is the early years, when the foundation is being laid. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree, is the old aphorism.

When parents are committed to the task of being parents—of raising a child, not simply raising their voice—they are laying the foundation upon which respect, understanding, and values can be taught. But going beyond commitment, there are some other foundation stones which are important.

I call foundation stone #2, “care” (old-fashioned parental love). Parenting is the raising of children by parents, not the raising of parents by children. Question: If a space ship from Mars landed in your front yard, and a little green man who looked like he came from Star Wars came to your front door, and your five-year-old answered the door and the Martian asked, “Who is in charge here?” what would he say? Would he answer, “Dad thinks he’s in charge here, but it’s really Mom who wears the pants.” Or should he say, “My folks think they are in charge, but when I yell and scream they always give in to me”?

It is because you love your child that you should establish your authority as the parent. You’ve got to love your child enough to require him to eat his vegetables, to brush his teeth, and learn to look you in the eyes and say, “Yes, Mom,” not just “Yeah.”   Love also provides the foundation of the teaching-learning process, including discipline. You can discipline a child without love, but you can’t really love your child without discipline.

No matter how busy you are, love demands the gift of yourself and your time. What do you really owe your youngster?   Not computer games, not music lessons, skate board or bicycles. But you do owe every child an undivided portion of old-fashioned love–the spanking kind, the kind that cares enough to teach a child right from wrong and respect for authority and adults.

It’s during the early years of parenting that you really win or lose the battle, and when you are the kind of a parent who lays a good foundation, you will find those teenage years can be as good an experience for you as they are a battle for some parents.

When newspaper columnist Ann Landers asked her readers if they had it do all over again would they have kids? Of 10,000 who responded, 70% said “No!”–a reaction she described as both surprising and disturbing. A lot of parents feel that way, but I can tell you one thing for sure: When you include commitment, love, communication, constraint, and values in your formula, I can guarantee you will be among the minority who consider parenting to be one of the most rewarding tasks in all of life. It’s a fact: It’s easy to be a parent, tough to be a really good one. But it’s worth the time and effort.

Resource reading: Ephesians 6