Bible Text: Psalm 127:4 | Speaker: Dr. Harold J. Sala | Series: Guidelines For Living | Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Psalm 127:4

The young mother yelled at her child, “Now, be quiet!” A look at the child, under a year of age, told me that the baby was sick. His nose was runny and his eyes were filled with matter. Yes, the mother’s nerves were on edge. Older children had colds too. No, the little child couldn’t turn off the tears any more than I could sing in Swedish or grow hair on the top of my head, now that it has disappeared. What the child did understand, though, was the tone of voice, and the message was negative, very negative.

No, I didn’t say anything. Long ago I learned that there are three things that cannot be done: climb a fence that leans toward you, kiss a person who leans away from you, or help someone who doesn’t want help. Save the advice! But in thinking about the situation, I began to reflect on the fact that parenting is a constant struggle to maintain balance.

Observation #1: A wise parent has to balance expectations with abilities. Obviously, the ability of a sick child to stop crying was totally out of balance with the mother’s expectations. It was impossible, period. Punishing a child for what he or she is incapable of doing is not only wrong but also counterproductive to mature development.

“But your older sister can do this math! Why can’t you?” The problem is that every child is different, and the fact that an older child may be able to do something doesn’t necessarily mean that another child can do the same task at the same age.

Observation #2: The wise parent has to balance love and discipline. You can discipline a child without love but you can’t really love a child without discipline which says, “I love you too much to let you get away with this, to talk back to me, to throw your food all over the table, or stick your tongue out at the teacher.” Does the Bible make a case for discipline? Yes, a strong one. Does it make as strong a case for loving your child? Absolutely. The first mention of the word “love” in the Bible is that of a father’s love for his son (Genesis 22:2). Both are important and both must be balanced.

Observation #3: The wise parent has to balance protecting a child from hard knocks and knowing when to let him or her experience the consequences of his actions. This especially applies to older children. Do you do your youngster’s homework for him, or let him face school detention for not doing it? Do you lie for your teenager to protect him or her, or let him face the court when he’s been drinking? I’m convinced that one of the greatest disservices a parent can do is to fail to help a child understand that with every choice there are consequences, sometimes tough ones.

Observation #4: Successful parenting has to balance turning loose with holding on. Two mistakes of parenting are being overly strict and overly permissive. Turn a child loose too soon, giving him too much independence and a youngster will get into trouble, but hold on to the youngster for too long and he’s certain to eventually become angry and rebellious.

There is one thing for sure. You as a parent teach your child more by what you do than by what you say. When you are out of control, your kids will be out of control. When you yell at your child, he will yell at his friend, and eventually at you as well. Whatever you do, he’s going to do, but he’ll go one step beyond where you are or what you do. It’s been that way since the days of Adam and Eve, and it’s not going to change, either.

Resource reading: Proverbs 22