Speaker: Dr. Harold J. Sala | Series: Guidelines For Living | The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.  Matthew 12:34

“I have just heard your commentary about the tongue,” wrote a listener.  This friend added, “I am one of those who … is brutally frank.  I know the truth is bitter, but my greatest defect is to tell a person what wrong he has done which he ought not to do.  Is it unchristian?”  It’s amazing to me how many folks such as the woman who wrote feel compelled to point out people’s flaws.

As an occasional golfer, my drives sometimes stray, and on one occasion instead of landing in the fairway, my golf ball landed on the tile roof of a home nearby.  Thinking I might have done some damage, I approached the house as a man came flying out the door, a towel draped around him.  I started to apologize but was interrupted by his screaming, “You know, you’re a terrible golfer!”  Right.  His pointing out what I already knew really made my day.

How important is it to state the obvious–telling your friend how much weight she has gained, pointing out that your brother has less hair than you do, reminding your wife that she isn’t nearly as good a cook as your mother?  Actually, some people–usually those with very few friends–feel called to tell everyone what’s wrong with them.  “Brutally frank” was the term the woman used who wrote to me. But was Jesus brutally frank with people?  Or did He demonstrate tenderness and kindness?  Is kindness and compassion really weakness?  Or are there times when you need to be frank and candid and times when you need sensitivity and restraint?

To the prostitute who was entrapped by religious leaders striving to ensnare Jesus Himself, He quietly and gently said, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”  (John 8:10, NKJV).  But to the religious leaders of his day–men who were hypocrites and deceitful–Jesus was acerbic and blunt.  Believe me, He got their attention when He addressed them, saying, “You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?” (Matthew 23:33).

The occasion determined the tone of voice and the strength of the words He used, and so should it with us today.   How you address a person and the tone of voice you use determines the response that you can expect.  When you are gentle, people respond the same way.  When you are angry and loud, you can expect the same in reply.

Blaise Pascal, the French writer, said, “Cold words freeze people, and hot words scorch them, and bitter words make them bitter, and wrathful words make them wrathful.  Kind words also produce their own image on men’s souls; and a beautiful image it is.  They soothe, quiet, and comfort the hearer.”

Civility has been in decline along with kindness, consideration, and compassion.  Bluntness has given way to vulgarity and coarseness.  Many people lace their speech with profanity, oblivious to what they are saying, and subsequently their children pick up the same expressions, completely unaware of the sexual implications and vulgarity of what they are saying.

So where does all of this leave us?  Your speech–whether intentional or habitual to the point of being unaware of what you are saying–is you!  Speech “is the blueprint of the personality,” says a Menninger Foundation psychologist.  What you say represents what you are.  “A good man produces good deeds from a good heart,” said Jesus, adding, and an evil man produces evil deeds from his hidden wickedness. Whatever is in the heart overflows into speech” (Luke 6:45, Living Bible).

Remember, what you say is a reflection of what you are!  And what you are is your choice, so choose wisely.

Resource reading: Matthew 7