“Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1).
Families are important to God because it was His idea to bring a man and a woman together and bless their relationship. The idea of families was not an afterthought, something which God tacked onto the creation model as an appendage to what He had already done. It was His plan from the beginning, and from the drawing board of heaven families came to bless our lives.
None would deny the fact that families are under stress today as perhaps no other generation. In some parts of the world the number of one‑parent families is growing at a rate said to be twenty times higher than the rate of two-parent families.
While no two individuals are the same, no two families are exactly alike, yet strong families do have certain characteristics in common, so believes Nick Stinnett, who has written a book about families which he called, Secrets of Strong Families. “Strong families are made,” he says, “step by step. People in strong families work at it constantly.” He based his findings on interviews with more than 3,000 strong families that span cultures and generations.
What are those six qualities that he sees reappearing in families who make it and make it with a large measure of happiness? The first element that he sees is commitment, which is exactly what I would put at the top of my list. Apart from commitment there is no valid reason to work through problems which are part of life. Commitment means God brought you and me together–and no matter what the difficulty–someway, somehow we’re going to work through this.
The second element that Stinnett believes present in strong families is appreciation. Members of strong families don’t take each other for granted. They learn to say, “Thank you!” and recognize the value of each other. Part of appreciation is common courtesy with respect for each other as valued members of the family.
Element number three is communication, something which can be learned. Families which are strong, talk about everything and go beyond the surface to discussing issues that really are important. They share ideas and opinions in a non‑threatening environment. Children feel safe talking about problems their peers have and how they feel about themselves and the world around them.
Quality number four is time. Stinnett discovered what you probably have already learned, no matter how strong your family may or may not be: You can’t develop quality relationships in a family without being together; eventually your best friends are people you spend time with. Families that are strong have time together for games, for activities, church, meals, and recreation. It is at this point that you may feel twinges of guilt and wonder whether you should hit the road or stay with it. Don’t go away. You need what follows.
Stinnett also discovered that strong families have what he described as spiritual wellness. Most attend some kind of worship service, bu t all of them have a sense of belief and purpose that attaches spiritual importance to their lives. Their faith gives them meaning to life.
And the last quality that strong families share is coping ability. What could destroy them, doesn’t, because they learn how to adjust, how to resolve conflict, how to view crisis as an opportunity for growth.
A closing thought: Instead of feeling remiss, focus on the elements that can make your family strong. It will work if you will work at it.
Resource reading: Colossians 4:1-6
