Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. James 1:19-20
Put two people together long enough and eventually they’ll misunderstand, disappoint, irritate, and hurt each other. The important thing is what happens next.
The Bible says, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires” (James 1:19-20). So, is it always wrong to get mad? No. But we have to ask, “Am I mad because my pride was hurt or because I didn’t get my way? How am I going to treat others in my anger?” When you’ve done the hurting, can you say, “I was wrong,” without adding an excuse?
Conflict alone doesn’t mean you’ve married the wrong person. Marriage eventually introduces pressures dating didn’t test like exhaustion, money worries, grief, perhaps crying babies or aging parents. Love has to survive contact with real life.
So before marriage, don’t just ask, “Do I love this person?” Ask: Can we solve problems together? Are we safe with each other’s weaknesses? Can we repair what we damage? A good apology isn’t the same as repair. “I’m sorry” matters, but if the same wound is inflicted again and again with no willingness to change, something important is missing.
Before you marry someone, pay attention to how you handle disagreements. Who do they become when they’re hurt? Does one person punish the other with silence? Does someone always have to win? Are cruel things said and later dismissed because they were said in anger? Or can you both own what happened, apologize sincerely, forgive, and course correct?
Neither of you will always get it right. What matters is whether you’re both willing to learn, repair, and change.
