There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28
Following their fiftieth anniversary, an old farmer began reminiscing. “Wife,” he began, “right after we first got married, and the great flood wiped out our farm, you stood by my side.” “Yes, dear,” she replied. “Then, years ago when I was struck by lightning,” he said, “you were by my side as well.” “Yes, dear,” she dutifully intoned. “Then last year when we had the fire and it burned down our place, you stood by my side, didn’t you?” “Yes, dear,” she says for the third time.
“I’ve been thinking,” drawled the old farmer, “it’s rather dangerous when you stand by my side!”
The fact is, nonetheless, no safer place exists than to be by the side of the one you married, no matter what happens in your life. God’s plan is for the two of you to walk together through life, with neither one in the front, nor the other behind. Now, does this mean that a husband doesn’t lead? No. To the contrary it means he recognizes how very important is the role of his wife as a partner, and shows he values and honors her by insisting they walk through life together side by side, hand in hand.
I’m reminded that when God created Eve, he took a bone from Adam’s side, not from his head so she would dominate him, not from his foot so that he would tread upon her, next to his heart so he would love her, from under his arm so he would protect her and from his side so they could form an unbreakable partnership which cannot be rocked by the winds of culture nor broken by infidelity. How do couples forge such a relationship?
Guideline #1: Recognize marriage is a partnership—not a proprietorship. True, God wants you husbands to be leaders–but not dictators. His idea is that you will be something like a team captain or a symphony conductor, ensuring that each plays his proper part, directing the whole to come together in harmony if not in unison. Amos 3:3 asks the question, “Can two walk together except they be agreed?” and the obvious answer is, “No!” This may require that you accept Biblical principles and avoid cultural clichés. Like what? Like “a woman needs to stay in her place!” And, “You can’t expect a real red-blooded male to be faithful to just one woman!” Nonsense. The kind of relationship that produces the maximum in both benefits and blessings is that which recognizes each belongs to the other, both belong to the Lord. This makes a partnership consisting of you, your mate and your Master who is Lord over you both.
Guideline #2: Never demean or look down on the other as an inferior. To the contrary, you learn to put the other first, insisting that your mate’s pleasure or well-being is more important than yours. While men and women are both esteemed by God, they complement each other but should never compete with each other. It’s a sense of insecurity that makes some belittle or put down the other.
Like what? Like the conversation which took place as a wife in anger said, “Bob, sometimes you make me so mad I could just bite your head off.” And he said, “If you did that, you’d have more brains in your stomach than your head.” Sarcasm, or sick humor, weakens a relationship.
Guideline #3: Bring your mate into your confidence. One husband, annoyed by events at work, quit his job and announced that the family was moving without even consulting his wife. Bad move.
It isn’t by chance that the wife of fifty years was still by the side of her husband in spite of fire, flood, and lightning. It’s by choice, by commitment; God’s plan.
Resource reading: Colossians 3:12-25
