But Moses said, “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.” Exodus 4:13
Speaking in public and talking in private are not the same thing at all. There are people who are great public speakers. They motivate, they inspire, they move people to tears and incite them to storm the ramparts. But talk to the same person just one-on-one and it’s like trying to get a dead fish to swim, or a corpse to tell you how he feels.
While everyone isn’t cut out to be a great public speaker, every person can be a good conversationalist. The following guidelines will help you talk to people, whether it is your boss, your neighbor, your best friend, or your husband or wife.
Guideline #1: Take a sincere interest in the person that you are talking with. Will Rogers said he never met a person he didn’t like. He, of course, had a great love for people, something not shared by everyone. My wife, Darlene, will never forget the time she went to the Women’s Dean of Students in college to discuss a personal matter, and in the middle of the discussion, Miss Riley sternly asked, “Will you please take your hands off my desk?”
Well, some four decades later, Darlene has long since forgotten what was the issue that brought her to seek counsel, but she will never forget that her perspiring hands were an issue with the woman who valued a polished desktop more than helping a young woman solve a problem.
Guideline #2: Look people in the eye. Why? Eyes are windows of the heart. When I was a young man in college, I took a Christmas job selling sporting goods. Within a few days I was selling more than the regulars who worked on commission. “Please,” they asked me, “let us have the big sales, “ and then they ask, “How are you so good selling?” My dad, who could sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo, taught me to make eye contact with people, and as people came into the department, from the way they looked at merchandise, I could usually tell if they were just browsing or intended to buy. I read their expressions and obviously went for the customers who wanted to buy.
Making eye contact is like the handshake of a computer that tells you, you have connected. Eye-contact accounts for a large percentage of non-verbal communication.
Guideline #3: Find out what is important in the life of the one you’re talking with. I will always remember the time I was a house guest with two other individuals, and for a week, the three of us had breakfast together every morning. During that time, I found out who the other guests were, what they did, why they were traveling. I learned a lot about their personal lives and family; but not one time did either inquire about my work, my family, or what I was doing there. It became humorous.
Guideline #4: Ask questions. One of the most important questions you can ever ask is, “How do you feel about this?” or “What’s your opinion about this?” realizing women emote feelings and men usually share their thoughts. Two questions I often ask to get a conversation started are, “Tell me about your family,” or “Tell me about yourself and what drives you.”
Guideline #5: Learn to listen. Nervous people talk; relaxed, caring people listen. Good conversationalists are good listeners, and listening makes conversations a learning experience. “I never learned anything when I was talking,” says Larry King, who earns a very, very good living talking.
Someone once said that God gave us two ears and one mouth, thereby indicating the ratio, each to the other, they should be used.
Guideline #6: Know when to shut it off. Stimulating conversations can turn into boring recitations of trivia. That’s when you need to know that enough is enough. “I’ve really enjoyed talking with you, but I’m keeping you from your work,” can bring the conversation to an end, and that’s what I need to do on this edition of Guidelines.
Resource reading: Exodus 4:10-17
