“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” (1 Corinthians 13:4).
Taking preventative measures to ensure that a fire will not destroy your home is a great deal better than installing the best fire alarm that wails loudly while your house is burning down. When a marriage falls apart, there is usually plenty of loud noise and not a few tears, but the tears are never sufficient to put out the fires of anger which are destroying the foundation of a marriage and a family.
May I give you several guidelines that can “divorce-proof” your marriage? Though I dislike extravagant claims and broad statements, I have a marked degree of confidence in saying that if you will put these guidelines to work in your marriage, I can guarantee it will divorce-proof it.
Guideline #1: Make an unconditional commitment to your mate. Never consider divorce an option when it comes to problem-solving. Don’t even think about it! Realize that with every problem there is a solution, and finding solutions is what saves marriages. An unconditional commitment is what you made when you stood before a marriage altar and promised “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death us do part.”
Guideline #2: Love completely. In tennis, “love” means “nothing.” In marriage it is everything. As the result of the way the media portrays love, many today are confused when it comes to understanding what it really is. Selfishness demands satisfaction; love focuses on bringing satisfaction to the one you love. Ego demands “my gratification, my happiness, my fulfillment”; love reverses it, seeking to bring the best of everything to the one you care about. (Make a note of 1 Corinthians 13. There you will find this kind of love defined and illustrated.)
Guideline #3: Understand patiently. In a sense, this is an extension of the previous guideline because when you really love someone without reservation, you strive to accept that person where he or she is, without nagging or demeaning that individual. This, of course, produces understanding and yes, patience. When Paul told believers in the church at Rome to “Accept one another … just as Christ accepted you” (Romans 15:7) he gave us a pattern, a model for marriage.
Guideline #4: Communicate intimately and freely. At the bottom of at least 80% of all divorces is the failure to communicate. “I don’t know how!” Nonsense. You just don’t care enough to try. Regardless of your background, or the obstacles to effective communication you inherited from parents or your environment, you can learn to be an effective communicator. Skills in communication can be acquired which divorce-proof a marriage.
Guideline #5: Forgive quickly. No matter how perfect your marriage or how much you love each other, eventually you say something, or do something which should have been unsaid or undone. Nursing hurt feelings, bearing grudges, cataloging past wrongs never produce happiness in marriage.
Guideline #6: Include God in your relationship. Seldom, do I ever meet a couple whose marriage failed when they do three things as part of their regular spiritual commitment: (1) They attended church together, (2) They read their Bible together, and (3) They clasped hands and prayed as a couple.
Interested in divorce-proofing your marriage? You can! These simple but straightforward guidelines will work. If you were looking for a painless, sugarcoated formula, then skip today’s guidelines. But if you value your marriage, these guidelines will work.
Resource reading: 1 Corinthians 13.
