“Don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26
If you’ve ever gone to bed angry, this is for you.
Bryce and Monica weren’t married long before they realized their biggest arguments always seemed to happen at night—right before bed. They’d fall silent, roll over, and spend the next day pretending everything was fine. But slowly, they realized unresolved tension was eroding the tenderness between them.
Relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman have studied thousands of couples over decades. Their conclusion? The strength of a relationship isn’t measured by the absence of conflict, but by how well we repair it. Healthy couples make small “repair attempts” after tension—apologizing, expressing empathy, or reaching out with a kind gesture.[1]
This type of conflict repair is exactly what the Bible teaches. God doesn’t call us to a life without conflict, but to humility, grace, and forgiveness within it. The Bible book of Ephesians says, “Don’t … [let] anger control you” (Ephesians 4:26). Jesus told his followers, when they had had a conflict with another, “First go and be reconciled” (Matthew 5:24).
When we take the first step to repair a broken moment, even with a simple, “I’m really sorry,” or “Can we start over?” we mirror God’s own heart of reconciliation. The Bible tells us that while we were still in conflict with Him, Jesus made the first move toward peace (Romans 5:8).
In normal daily differences, don’t make a habit of waiting for the other person to fix it. Reach out first and reach out fast. In doing so, you turn conflict into connection and reflect the God who restores relationships.
[1] Gottman, John M., and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books, 2015.
