Rethinking Parenting with The Good Shepherd

Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. Proverbs 13:24

“Demand obedience the first time and every time!” was advice given in a parenting course. What do you think about that?

That decades old advice has now been replaced with an approach called “Gentle Parenting.” Gentle parenting moves away from punitive parenting toward a focus on fostering a positive parent-child relationship. But during long, empathetic conversations with a toddler having a temper tantrum, it’s led to jokes like: “Is this gentle parenting or hostage negotiation?”

There are few topics more heated than parental discipline. We’re usually either desperate for advice or totally closed to it! A well-known verse from the Bible says this about parenting: “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them” (Proverbs 13:24). Perhaps you’ve thought of the “rod” as harsh punishment. But if we parent our children like God parents us, it’s much more helpful to view the “rod” as a shepherd’s staff— a tool of guidance, protection, and care. Jesus said, “I am the Good Shepherd” (John 10:11).

In Bible times, shepherds didn’t strike their sheep with the rod, they used it to lead them. A shepherd’s rod corrected sheep when they strayed from the path, gently pulling them back to safety, and also protected sheep from predators. In the same way, we protect our children from today’s dangers like overexposure to screens or unhealthy friendships. As parents, we guide our children when they lose their way—offering correction with love and gentleness, not anger. A wise man once said, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”[1]

In the same way that God parents us, we can parent our children with His gentle, but firm rod.

[1] Douglass, Frederick. My Bondage and My Freedom. Miller, Orton & Mulligan, 1855, p. 258.