Should You Keep Family Secrets?

Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ. Ephesians 4:15

When you were growing up, were there things that were never discussed in your family?

Was this the unspoken rule in your home? “That’s a family secret. We don’t talk about that. What would people think?” Out of fear or misguided loyalty, we sometimes favor a “rosy picture” over reality. But what happens when silence about struggles leads to hidden wounds and unresolved issues?

The Bible calls us to live in a healthy tension between the two values of honesty and honor. Honesty is vital for healing and change, while honor shows love and respect. Yet, leaning too far in one direction can cause problems. Too much honesty without honor can wound others. But honor without honesty can mask dysfunction.

Many families and communities struggle with this balance. In the first book of the Bible called Genesis, we see both truths in the life of a man named Abraham. He’s revered as the father of faith, but the Bible doesn’t shy away from his failures—lying about his wife, mistreating a servant, and allowing family conflicts to fester. The honesty of Scripture is remarkable. Abraham is honored for his faith, yet his mistakes are laid bare for us to learn from.

The Bible gives us a roadmap for addressing family issues without shaming or mocking. It says, “Speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ” (Ephesians 4:15). We can start by asking, “What needs to be said, and how can I say it with love and humility that brings healing and restoration?” We can seek wise counsel—a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor—to navigate this delicate process. Remember, God calls us to honor others and to bring truth into the light.