Small Moments, Big Connections—Are You Catching Them?

Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in other, too. Philippians 2:4

Love happens in small moments that are easy to miss.

Children often learn to throw and catch a ball as they’re growing up. But there’s an important “game of catch” you may not have learned. Experts say the practice of “making and catching bids for connection” is essential to a thriving marriage. A bid for connection is any attempt to get your spouse’s attention. Marriage masters are said to catch 87% of a spouse’s bids, while marriages that are disasters are ones in which spouses only catch 33% of each other’s attempts to connect. We turn toward our spouses when we catch but turn away with a lack of a response.[1]

Let’s imagine what this might look like. You come home from work and sit in the kitchen, scrolling on your phone while your spouse starts cooking something for dinner. Your spouse begins to chat about something stressful in their day and you … don’t respond at all. “Did you hear me?” they exasperatingly ask? No connection there.

Or perhaps you generally use more words than your spouse does to explain things, especially when it’s something you feel strongly or emotional about. Your spouse cuts you off the minute they think they understand what you’re trying to say … before you can even finish. Ouch. No connection there.

God, the author of relationship, has given us principles in scripture that are key to connecting. The Bible teaches us: “Don’t only look out for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too” (Philippians 2:4). And: “Do everything in love,” (1 Corinthians 16:14 NIV) because bids for connection don’t always involve words. They might be touches or a look. “Healthy couples constantly make and accept bids to connect.”[2] Watch for that incoming bid today and toss one out yourself!

[1] Gottman Institute. “Want to Improve Your Relationship? Start Paying More Attention to Bids.” The Gottman Institute, 8 Feb. 2023, https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/. Accessed 11 Feb. 2025.

[2] Ibid.