“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13-14).
When a dad was interrupted by a cellular phone call for the third time while he was playing catch with his son, the little boy patiently waited, thumping his fist into his empty glove. When the father snapped down the case on the cell phone, the little boy said, “Dad, if it weren’t for all those jerks calling you, we could play ball!” It’s not an easy problem. You need to be in touch, but mobile phones, E-mail, PDAs, and too much communication with others means too little with those who really count—your kids, your spouse, and your family.
So, how do you balance the demands of your career with the needs of your family? Some folks never give it a thought. While they say that families come first, the reality is that the ring of a telephone takes precedence over everything and everyone else. Kids get the message. So do spouses, who see the back of your head while your face is pointed to the monitor on your computer—second only in being repulsive to your face being completely hidden by the sports section of the newspaper.
Taking inventory of where you are can be the “wake up” call that lets you establish some priorities before you are confronted with a crisis. Ask yourself the following:
- Do I repeatedly rationalize that I spend lots of time with the family when I know, in fact, I’m not there very much? The actual amount of time we spend together as families is often much less than what we think it is.
- When you are at home, are you really at home, or on hold, waiting for the next phone call or interruption? A dad, feeling that he wasn’t spending enough time with his son, took him to a ball game, but later said, “All evening I was thinking about what I really needed to do. I was miserable.” When you feel like that, your youngster senses it. His antennae pick up the non-verbal signs very clearly. He wants all of you, and he knows when you are there and when you are really there! “Dad, do you know what you just said ‘Yes’ to?” asked a little boy who knew clearly that his dad was completely absent mentally.
- When you are asked to do something which takes you away from your family on a weekend, ask, “Is this really necessary or am I hesitant to say no because I just don’t want to make waves?“
- Ask yourself, “If I make this commitment that takes me away from my family, how am I going to compensate for it?” This of course means balance. Only when you are unemployed are you at home all of the time. Give your employer everything you have when you’re on his time, but when you’re on family time, give them the same thing–which means learning to shut it off and leave your work at the door.
- Finally ask, “At what price am I willing to be a success?” Vivid in my mind is the image of a very successful man who once poured out his heart. He told me how his company was one of the strongest in the industry and what he had accomplished. But then he looked at the floor as he added, “But when it comes to my home and family, I fear I’ve been a miserable failure.”
Some individuals climb the ladder of success only to find that it was leaning against the wrong building, and when they climb into the penthouse on top, it is empty. The ones who helped them get there are no longer present.
A final thought. A truly successful man never sacrifices his family on the altar of the expedient. God never asks that, and your company has no right to ask more than God does. Think about it and take inventory. You only have one shot at parenting.
Resource reading: Genesis 22.
