“Be kind and … forgiving … just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
The four most difficult words to say in any language are these, “I’m sorry; forgive me.” Yet what other combination of so few words brings so much healing to mankind? “I’m sorry; forgive me”–those simple words make the difference between broken relationships and the healing that restores fragmented lives.
Edward Herbert once said, “He who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.” It seems that our stubborn pride, our refusal to admit that we might have been wrong—at least partially wrong—is what makes it so difficult to say, “I’m sorry; forgive me.” When you say this, you are doing a great deal more than just offering an apology. You are really saying, “I covet my friendship or my relationship with you, and I want to build a bridge over the troubled waters that separate us.”
Our tendency to place the blame on the other person goes back as far as the genesis of mankind himself. Remember the simple story of creation where Eve took of the forbidden fruit and then Adam followed her example? Yet when God said, “Adam, why have you done this?” Adam put the blame on his wife, saying, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it” (Genesis 3:12).
Saying “I’m sorry; forgive me” puts the blame squarely on your shoulders. It tells the other person you are willing to stand the consequences of causing your separation. Of course, there are many other ways you can try to build bridges. You can say, “Let’s forget it,” or “Let’s just not talk about it anymore.” You can also say, “I suppose we’re both to blame … ” But nothing has the healing power of those four simple words, “I’m sorry; forgive me.”
Trying to continue a relationship without removing the bitter feelings between two people is like trying to put a shirt on with a knife sticking in your back or trying to drive a car with a flat tire, pretending that all the tires are inflated. When an apology is due, it should be made as soon as possible and with dignity. Now, don’t think for a moment that there is not the nobility of a king when you bring yourself to say, “I’m sorry; forgive me.” A person never reaches so high as when he stoops to offer an apology.
Now, I know what you are thinking; down in your heart you’re saying, “I’m not altogether to blame for this, you know. The other person is just as guilty as I am.” Or, you may be saying, “Why should I apologize? It is not my fault. Why should I say, ‘I’m sorry; forgive me'”? Perhaps you’re right. Yet are you not genuinely sorry that a relationship has been hurt—that someone whose friendship or love meant so much to you now avoids you? Why not tell the other person just how you feel—that you are genuinely sorry that your friendship has been hurt, and you want to see it restored. That confession—made in all honesty and sincerity—is the equivalent of holding out the olive branch.
Years ago, the Apostle Paul penned these beautiful guidelines for fractured human relations when he wrote, “Be kind and compassionate, [one] to … another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). When Jesus arbitrated the question of forgiveness, He told fisherman Peter we are to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22). When you think you cannot say those words, “I’m sorry; forgive me,” remember Jesus said them on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
Resource reading: John 17.
