And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely and admirable. Think about the things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8
Show an optimist a glass filled halfway and he calls it half full. Show a pessimist the same glass and he calls it half empty. The glass hasn’t changed—only the eyes looking at it.
Unfortunately, we use those same eyes to look at the people we love the most.
Consider this scenario: She’s late again. He’s waited by the car more times than he can count. Somewhere along the way her lateness stopped being a habit and became a verdict about her character. He no longer thinks, “Well, she’s running behind.” Instead, the voice in his head says, “She doesn’t respect me!”
Let’s be clear: asking your spouse to be on time is fair. Every marriage needs those honest conversations. But somewhere between the complaint and the resentment, we stop naming a habit and start delivering a verdict about someone else’s character.
An early follower of Jesus named Paul wrote, “ … Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:8). Is that what you focus on with your spouse, or do you tend to fixate on what they do wrong? We’re not called to keep a running list of someone’s flaws. We’re called to see them through God’s eyes, and He looks for what’s true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable in each of us.
When you’re tempted to render a verdict about your spouse’s character, stop. Remember one hard thing that you came through together: the month the money ran out, a crisis with one of your kids, or a funeral you sat through side by side. What did you see in your spouse then that you’ve stopped seeing now?
