“All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18-19).
Reconciliation with someone who has become estranged from you is not always possible. There are times when you desperately want to be reconciled, yet in spite of your prayers, your tears, your pleas, the other person walks away from you leaving you with the feeling of guilt, thinking, “Surely, I am the problem. I must have done something wrong or else this just wouldn’t have happened.”
Yes, I know that scores of marriages, hundreds of friendships, and thousands of disagreements could be resolved if two people would only try. How often we give up, turning away in anger and hurt, instead of swallowing our pride and attempting to reconcile!
So, what do you do when you have tried to reconcile—you’ve done everything you know to do—and it hasn’t happened, at least yet? Do you live with the burden of guilt, or find God’s grace to move on?
First–and this is very important–you need to make sure your relationship with God is really right, and that you are reconciled with Him. Remember, Jesus’ coming was all about this very issue. We are the ones who had turned our back on Him. Isaiah puts it, “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way” (Isaiah 53:6). Now, this is a graphic picture. Sheep are dumb. They will follow anything, and the picture is that we’ve wandered away from God’s plan and purpose for life.
Sometimes difficulty forces you to look in the mirror and to realign yourself with God’s will. This means saying, “Lord, forgive me. I ask for your help and forgiveness.” It also includes giving Him your pain, your frustration, and your heartache. Does God care? Psalm 34 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (v. 18).
Then, get up off your knees and understand you are free of the burden of estrangement. No, your situation hasn’t changed. You have. No longer will you feel guilt, which means you then can find God’s grace to move on. There is tremendous freedom in putting something you cannot change in God’s hands, knowing that He is the only one who can turn the hearts of some people back to Himself, and back to you.
At this point do you give up on ever being reconciled? No, not for a moment. You wait, expecting God to honor your prayers and to trust Him. How long do you wait? As long as necessary for God to change the heart of the person who walked away from your friendship, or your arms.
There is one thing, however, that no person in the entire world can stop you from doing, and that is to love the one who walked away. Nor can that one stop you from praying for him or her. Can you love somebody who spurns your friendship and doesn’t respond to your love? You can, and the proof is that you wait, and pray, and love on.
There are times when God eventually turns the heart of the estranged person back to you, and he or she approaches you humbly asking for forgiveness and acceptance, and then there are other times when you are left alone. One of the ways that God differs from us is that we never have to fear His turning His back on our pleas or ignoring our cries of help when we have lost our way and we need Him. The faithfulness of God is one of the great anchors that holds us in the storms of life no matter how frail and human those are who grasp that truth.
Never forget it. Reconcile if you can, but trust God regardless.
Resource reading: Genesis 32:22-32.
