Wait for God to Bring You the Perfect Spouse

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).

“Dear Dr. Sala,” writes a friend, “I am really frustrated. All of my friends are getting married, and I get passed over. Sometimes I wonder if my standards are too high. When I say ‘No’ to guys, I don’t get invited out again. Please tell me what I already know but need to hear again.” Signed: Frustrated.

Dear Frustrated (along with thousands of you who haven’t signed a letter but honestly admit to the same feelings of frustration, voiced by a young lady in her mid-20’s who feels that life is passing her by because of her moral convictions),

There is a lot that I can tell you now which will mean a great deal more to you in a few years. For example, telling you that there is a high correlation between age or maturity and happiness in marriage doesn’t bring much comfort to you right now, but it will later. Right now, you are hurting, and you have begun to wonder if it is your convictions which are really keeping your phone from ringing. I have never met anyone who looked back over the years and could honestly say, “My standards were too high. If I had to do it over again, I’d lower them.”

My telling you that there is one thing that is far worse than being single, which is to be unhappily married, doesn’t bring a lot of comfort to you now, but it is a fact. Few people ever regret waiting, but a multitude regret snap decisions that resulted in bad marriages.

There is another thing I have to say: The person who loses interest in you when he discovers that you are a virgin and intend to stay that way until you marry, isn’t really interested in you. He’s interested in your body. Your convictions are based upon Scriptural principles—what the Bible says. Because of your faith in Christ, you believe your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and this brings up an area of tremendous importance: It’s your relationship with God and how you feel about spiritual things. A long time ago, Amos asked the question, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (Amos 3:3). The obvious answer is “No!” You feel pretty strongly about certain issues, and you feel like this may be a stumbling block when it comes to meeting the right person. When you look up at a full moon, try to remember that somewhere standing on planet earth is another person looking up at that same beautiful moon saying, “God, there must be someone in this world who shares my convictions who is just as interested in finding a mate as I am.” He is as interested in meeting you as you are in meeting him.

There is another issue that you need to ponder, one that requires far more time to develop than I have on today’s commentary, but you need to think about it. It is God’s personal will for your life. Some think of God as a cosmic engineer who created the world but then withdrew to heaven and left us on our own when it comes to our choices and our destiny. I don’t believe that for a moment, and I’ll tell you why.

Having made a careful study of the Bible, especially New Testament, I have concluded that the entire position of Scripture is that God’s care and concern extends to every detail of our personal lives. That’s why Paul writes about God’s will as being “good, pleasing and perfect” (Romans 12:2).

A closing thought. You signed your letter, “Frustrated!” Honestly, a lot of the married people who write to me could sign their letter the same way, but they would put the word in captions and underline it in red ink. It’s easy to get married, tough to stay married. The secret is learning to trust God and learn that God has a will concerning timing as well as what you do.

Resource reading: Ephesians 5:22-32.