Bible Text: Ephesians 5:31 | Speaker: Dr. Harold J. Sala | Series: Guidelines For Living | For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31
Would you like to live five years longer, make more money, have better emotional health, and be better adjusted? Then get married. There is a growing amount of data that confirms the benefits which I just touted. Why all of this happens is still somewhat a matter of conjecture. Some believe husbands make more money because a wife is prodding them, and better cooking not only keeps a husband healthier but eventually puts more pounds around his middle than his single counterpart.
But the jury is out as to whether individuals who walk down the aisle and tie the knot are healthier and more confident going into marriage, or marriage is the contributing factor that does change their outlook and generally their status in the community of humans. Marriage ends up generally being beneficial to both husbands and wives; however, getting married is not the answer to having it all together.
I’m thinking of the lonesome male who went to a singles group in search of a bride. Meeting a lonely, very attractive woman, he said, “Look, I’m pretty ordinary and don’t have much money right now, but my dad is a multimillionaire and since he has no wife, I’m going to inherit his fortune. And I’m looking for someone to share it with.
“I’m interested,” she said, adding, “But before I’d consider marriage with you, I think it would be fitting for me to go to the hospital and pay my respects to your dying father.” She did, and became the lonesome male’s step-mother as she married the dying father.
If you have money, a nice car, good looks, or can charm people, getting married is not exceedingly difficult. Staying married is another matter, and staying happily married is in a category of its own. Henry Blackmun, a late U.S. Supreme Court justice, once cautioned a bride and groom saying, “A wedding is an event; a marriage is an achievement.”
He was right. A really successful marriage is the crowning achievement of two people who are deeply committed to each other. What are the factors that go into that kind of a marriage? Try these for starters: 1. A spiritual purpose for their lives which includes a relationship with God. 2. A deep, unshakable commitment to each other. 3. The determination to live each for the other, putting the other first. 4. Free and open communication, sharing hearts as well as bedrooms. 5. The strength of character to forgive quickly and to let go of petty grievances, realizing that you can’t fight and die on every bump in the road. And, finally, a short memory when it comes to each other’s faults and failures.
There is a caveat or a disclaimer, however, that needs to be added to today’s Guidelines. Studies confirm what certifies the obvious. Couples who argue and fight, who refuse to forgive, and who cheat on each other, end up with stress and misery which cancels out the touted benefits of marriage. Iris Krasnow, author of the bestselling book Surrendering to Marriage, put it this way: “If you’re not happy with yourself when you walk down the aisle, marriage is not going to make you happy.” She is right. You take into a marriage what you find there, but whatever you take into it will be multiplied, because living together is to marriage what hot water is to a tea bag—it brings out whatever is already there. A rule of thumb which I have used to describe the before and after is this: “As now, so then, but more so!” In other words, as two people are before they marry, so will they be afterward, but just more of it. It’s something to think about.
Resource reading: Ephesians 5:15-32
