Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death. Genesis 24:67
One of the most beautiful structures in the world, the Notre Dame Cathedral, stands on the banks of the Seine River in the heart of Paris. This beautiful building dating from the Middle Ages gains elegance and uniqueness partially from the lovely flying buttresses or arches which gracefully support the walls.
In the Middle Ages when the cathedral was built, architects faced a problem: how do you support those gothic arches and the high ceilings? That, of course, was before the days of steel arches and pre-fabricated walls. Stone and raw ingenuity were the raw materials for the construction of those magnificent buildings, and the problem of support was neatly solved by supporting the outer walls with graceful arches which came to be known as flying buttresses.
More than once I have thought of marriage and homes in terms of cathedrals—flying buttresses as some of the traditional supports that keep the walls of the house from collapsing. Like the beautiful cathedrals which span the centuries of time, marriage stems from a beautiful tradition instituted by God Himself, and what may have taken a very long time to build can be destroyed in a very short time.
Just as certainly, marriage have buttresses, principles which, like the flying buttresses of old, can keep the walls of your home from collapsing under the pressures of life in the twenty-first century.
This first and most important buttress in keeping the walls of a home from collapse is a personal faith in God. Blaise Pascal, the French philosopher, used to talk about the God‑shaped vacuum in every heart, that can be filled only by the personal presence of God. To those who will use them, God has given the resources of the Gospel. The first buttress of your faith is one that protects human relationships. It’s much like a hand without, that holds the walls from collapsing within. Does your marriage have a better chance of making it when you attend church and share a common faith in God? Unquestionably! Faith in God is a powerful buttress against the selfishness that tears apart so many homes today.
Another buttress is areas of mutual interest you share together. This includes hobbies, recreation that you and your family enjoy, even interests that you and your wife have together. Very often when I counsel with a couple prior to their marriage, I’ll ask, “What holds you together? What hobbies do you share? What interests do you have in common? What music do you both like?”
Are those things important? Yes, they are—when people have nothing in common other than the fact they say they just can’t live without each other, I’m wondering how long it will be until they decide that romantic attachment or infatuation just doesn’t do it.
The third buttress to the cathedral of your home is that of mutual respect for each other as individuals. Years ago, Isaiah cried, “Woe to them that lay field to field and house to house!” He knew that man is made so that he needs some privacy. Women too. Just individuals—some time, some space to be alone. Now, this is often hard in a fish‑bowl type of a home or an apartment, where there are a lot of people and everything’s crowded. But you still need to respect each other as individuals and honor that commitment.
There is another buttress that I want to mention in closing. It is memories of the past which balance the pressures of the present. “I can’t live in the past,” you might say, and you’re right. But you can’t erase or replace those memories, either. So, before you drop the bomb that could destroy your home, you better think through it. Memories enrich our lives.
Resource reading: Genesis 24.
