Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful” (2 Timothy 2:23-24 NIV).
Being right and doing what is right aren’t always the same thing.
A negotiation expert was brought into a business dispute over money, control and contracts that had dragged on for years. Instead of debating each demand, the negotiator listened. Then he asked one of the men what he really wanted most. “Freedom,” the man said. Once the conversation moved to what really mattered, the dispute was settled in four days. Listening opened the way that years of arguing hadn’t.[1]William Ury, Getting to Yes with Yourself (and Other Worthy Opponents) (New York: HarperOne, 2015), discussion of the Abilio Diniz negotiation.
How many of our arguments fall into what the Bible calls “foolish and stupid”? Scripture gives this advice: “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone” (2 Timothy 2:23-24a NIV). It’s not that the truth doesn’t matter. But not every disagreement is worth having.
You know how easy it is to keep going when you know you’re right. You explain your point again. You correct the detail they got wrong. Somewhere along the way, you’re no longer trying to understand. You’re trying to win.
Wisdom knows when to speak, when to listen and when another round of the argument won’t accomplish anything good. Ask yourself: Does this argument fit into the “foolish and stupid” category? Is there a truth that needs defending or a misunderstanding worth clearing up? Or do I simply want the other person to admit I’m right?
You can tell the truth without winning every debate. You can disagree without making someone your enemy. Sometimes the wisest thing you can say is nothing more. Because in the end, acting right, not being right, is the goal.
