“I will never leave you nor forsake you. So we may boldly say: `The LORD is my helper; I will not fear’“ (Hebrews 13:5-6 NKJV).
Almost everyone, at some time or another in life, is going to wrestle with the “what if” or “if only” syndrome. “What if I had done this differently?” Or “If only I had not made that decision.” “If only I had not let my child go out that night.” “If only I had replaced the brakes before my wife drove the car.” “If only I had known that the investment of our life savings was going to be stolen by our friend.”
As a nurse, Cindy knew better than most prospective mothers what to do to ensure that her baby would be normal and healthy. “I did everything right,” she said, but then things went wrong. Within hours of the birth of her little baby boy, a bacterial infection quickly spread throughout his tiny body. His kidneys failed, and he suffered a brain hemorrhage. Doctors finally saved the life of this little boy, but the infection left him physically and mentally impaired.
Eventually, doctors discovered that his mother had been the carrier of the bacteria, which could have been eliminated with a round of antibiotics. But it was too late when doctors discovered the problem.
Things like that just happen, some say, but this mother didn’t think so. She felt totally responsible. After all she was the mother, and besides that, she was a nurse by profession. Seven long years passed before she was able to talk about it.
“I did a great job blaming myself,” Cindy said. She described it as “having someone stick me in the heart with a knife.” As I read about this brave mother who struggled with guilt over a situation which was completely unavoidable, I couldn’t help thinking of other people I have known who have gone through life feeling they had failed, when, in reality, they had no control over their circumstances.
At the head of that list is a father whose little boy was killed, the result of a broken axle in a truck he was driving. He wanted to drive a few miles further, his wife wanted to stop. The little boy, tired and sleepy, climbed into the shell of the truck and went to sleep. When the axle broke, the truck overturned and the little boy was killed.
Then, there was a husband whose wife didn’t come through surgery and who felt totally to blame because doctors recommended an operation and he went along with their advice.
Almost everyone, at some time or another, will wrestle with the “what-if” or “if-only” syndrome. Frankly, there is no easy, two-minute answer to the problem.
Yes, God could have prevented it all. But if God stepped in every time something bad happens to His children, life would be a constant series of miracles that would keep anyone from dying or suffering. The fact is, you live in an imperfect, broken world, one in which heartache and sorrow come to all of us eventually.
There is some very good news, though, which I must leave with you. Though God never promised to exempt his children from the ravages of bacteria, or sickness, or bad decisions, as well as the mistakes and failures of imperfect knowledge, He did promise to walk with us through the valley and to meet us at the point of our pain. Jesus said, “I will never leave you or forsake you. So we may boldly say: ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear’“ (Hebrews 13:5-6 NKJV). It is this that will allow you to get through the dark night, and to forgive yourself, to pick up the pieces of your life, and to go on. As you do so, you will find God’s help and strength. The longer you struggle with the issue, the greater your pain will be until you understand God is sufficient to take you through your crisis.
Resource reading: Isaiah 43:1-5.
