Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
What quality would you say matters most in a relationship?
Before we marry, we may dream about the qualities we want in a spouse—maybe looks, intelligence, or a sense of adventure are high on our list. But one quality often overlooked is kindness. The older we get, the more we realize that in the day-to-day grind of life, kindness is what truly softens the bumps along the way.
In a study published by a well-known psychologist who has spent decades researching marriage, kindness was found to be one of the most important factors for a lasting relationship. He explains, “Kindness doesn’t mean that we don’t express our anger, but … informs how we choose to express it.”[1] Kindness helps couples navigate the inevitable conflicts that arise with grace and understanding, rather than letting anger and resentment take root.
The Bible echoes this, reminding us, “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). Kindness isn’t just about how we speak in good moments, but about how we treat each other in the tough ones.
Marriage is a journey full of challenges, and sometimes we find ourselves running on empty. But kindness can fill the gaps where love feels strained. A wise man once noted: “Love is a choice you make every day.”[2] And kindness is a big part of that choice.
These lessons apply to all our relationships. Kindness isn’t a grand gesture, but a consistent choice that, over time, transforms how we connect with others.
So, today, take a moment to reflect: How can you bring more kindness into your marriage or your relationships? Kindness is the key to love for the long haul.
[1] Gottman, John. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books, 1999, pp. 123-125.
[2] Chapman, Gary. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Northfield Publishing, 2010, p. 19.
