Moses was a hundred and twenty years old when he died, yet his eyes were not weak nor his strength gone. Deuteronomy 34:7
“Dear Dr. Sala,” writes a friend, “Would you have any suggestions to help people who have reached their eighties and feel they have nothing to live for? I admit feeling very useless at times. I’m 82, in a wheelchair, and I have little energy.”
In recent days, there has been a graying of society as more and more of us are living longer and longer; and with the years come new challenges. Frankly, every year I hear from more and more people who are struggling with their existence and their inability to cope with aging. I’ve done two things, thinking about this issue. First, I’ve asked again, “What does God say about this issue?” And then, I’ve talked to a number of seniors who are there and I’ve asked them what they have found to be most helpful.
The fact is the number of men and women reaching into their eighties has increased dramatically in the last two decades. Better medicines, better nourishment, better health care in general have combined to give a lot of seniors more time. Whereas a few years ago many would have succumbed to illness, they now often fight back and have more years to enjoy, provided they can learn to enjoy them.
Far sooner than we would like to admit, the years turn into decades, and we find ourselves thinking about doing fewer and fewer things for the first time, more and more things for the last time. So, how do you handle the changes of life?
Synthesizing the comments some of my older friends have made, I’d like to suggest the following guidelines:
Guideline #1: Come to grips with the fact that you are here by the will of God, not fate or chance. God makes no mistakes and He suffers no surprises. Paul said in Ephesians 1:11, “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will … .”
Guideline #2: Realize that your true value as a person is dependent on your character, not your productivity. One of the flaws of our thinking, and especially as we age, is that we’re not worth much unless we are really producing. This, of course, runs contrary to everything the Bible says. It tells us: you are a person of value and worth, not because of what you do, but because of what you are. Paintings and fine books only become more valuable with age. So is it with people.
Guideline #3: Accept your lessening strength with grace. “I greet each day as a gift,” says Beatrice Cole, at age 90. She says that the last decade, from 80 to 90, has been the best gift of her life, though she’s been alone most of that time apart from the company of her pet poodle.
Guideline #4: Force yourself to get out and mix with people. “After I lost Ethel,” says Frank Emery, “I forced myself to get out, to travel, to play golf, to be with people. It was the only way I could beat the loneliness.” He’s not alone, either. Sitting at home, in your apartment, refusing to reach out to others, only compounds your illness and your loneliness.
Guideline #5: Refuse to accept defeat at the hand of yourself. Loneliness never leaves you where it finds you. You either greet it as a friend of sorts and you make peace with it, or you fight it until you succumb to it and wither and die. As a friend, it can cause you to reach out and make new friends, or it can kill you.
Resource reading: Deuteronomy 34:1-12
