“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
Norm Wakefield and Josh McDowell call it “the dad difference”—the difference that the physical presence of a father makes in the life of a son or daughter as a child grows up. In their book by the same title, Wakefield and McDowell tell about a survey that was done in conjunction with the Barna Research Group.
Analyzing the difference, which was based on interviews with teenagers from eight different religious denominations, they concluded: “The importance of a good relationship with a father was underscored over and over again. We found that the average teen in an evangelical church spends less than two minutes a day in meaningful conversation with his father, and spends only slightly more than four minutes per day conversing meaningfully with his mother. Yet one in every four young people surveyed stated that they had never had a meaningful conversation with their father.”
The bottom line: “Dads are of vital importance to their children!” Speaking to dads, they said, “Your relationship with your sons and daughters now is a verified factor in their self-esteem, which in turn affects their growth in wisdom, stature, and favor with God and man.”
Norm Wakefield is a professional counselor. Having shared some conferences in the past with Norm, I can tell you he is a sensitive, caring dad who takes seriously the commitment of parenting. Josh McDowell is an apologist, having spent most of his life on college campuses speaking to students. He’s also known for his “Why Wait?” campaign stressing the dangers and hazards of pre-marital sex. Both men, however, base their concern on the reality of what is happening to our children today.
Frankly, I don’t intend to make this commentary a diatribe against missing dads, something that makes some of us feel pretty smug and others pretty guilty. Rather, I’d like it to be a clarion call to you dads everywhere to take inventory of your relationship with the child you brought into the world.
Insight: No one, or nothing in all the world can take your place when it comes to the extent of influence and guidance in the lives of your children. Being a good dad begins with accepting the responsibility which is inherent in bringing a child into the world. Regardless of what courts of law or society may allow, there is a moral and a spiritual responsibility that comes with privilege.
There is something else, though, tremendously important. Not only are children losers when a dad is not there with children growing up, but you as a dad are the loser too. You’ve reproduced yourself in the little guy or the little girl who so badly wants a daddy, and when you’re not there, you miss tremendous fulfillment in life.
Here’s an insight for you men. Fathering is a series of small steps and continuing short-term commitments. Surprised that I say that? It’s a fact. Too often we think of what we’re going to do in the future, always thinking about the big vacation trip, or what we are going to do one of these days, overlooking the importance of Tuesday night, or Saturday morning.
A cartoon by Charles Schultz puts it so well. Linus is talking to Lucy and He says, “My dad hates me. Monday night he went to a PTA meeting. Tuesday night it was the school board. Wednesday night it was the board of deacons, and last night it was bowling. So, this morning he says to me, ‘Hi there … .’ I said, ‘Who are you? I don’t recognize you.’“ Then says Linus, “He doesn’t actually hate me. He just thinks I’m too sarcastic.”
Resource reading: Luke 15:11-32.
