“In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12).
Psychologists call it role-playing. It means you strive to put yourself in the position of another person and try to see life as the other person sees it. Something new? No—not really. At least 2000 years ago Jesus talked about seeing life from another’s perspective when He said, “… in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you …” (Matthew 7:12).
You may have grown up calling this the Golden Rule. No matter what you call it, it works! Yet many people discard this whole concept, thinking that in the tough jungle of life today, giving the other person the advantage of considering his feelings just won’t work.
For the sake of time, let’s confine our discussion of this principle to those closest to you, the person who is probably closer to you than anyone else if you are married—your husband or wife.
First—let me ask you, “Does your mate respect you as a person, or think of you as a `bread ticket’ or a `housekeeper?'” I’m thinking of the home where a salesman knocked on the door and asked, “Is the lady of the house in?” Without thinking the husband blurted out, “No lady—just my wife.”
Do you ever listen to some of the conversations that take place in your home? Some of the conversations I happen to overhear in public shock me, to say nothing of those which take place behind closed doors. What’s happened? Have we listened to so much of the dialogue on TV that we’ve forgotten how to address each other with courtesy and tact? I’m appalled at the number of people who delight in sarcastic remarks which often belittle a mate, or make the other person feel very inadequate. This, of course, works both ways.
If we are to treat each other as we would like to be treated, make it a cardinal rule: Never speak disparagingly of each other publicly. Never correct each other, unless, of course, your husband is about to miss the turn-off when you are driving. If you women think your husband’s fish story is a bit exaggerated, why not tell him at home, in private? If your wife labors with details that are unimportant to you, as much as you’d like to say “Get to the point!” try and remember those details are important to her as a woman.
A successful marriage consists of two people who accept each other as individuals of value and worth, and strive to see life from the perspective of the other person. In other words, selfishness and ego have no controlling interest in that partnership.
When I brought a series of lectures on the family, I stressed the importance of learning to accept and love each other as we are, without trying to remake the person into the individual we had hoped to marry. At the end of the evening, a middle-aged couple approached me, and we made small talk for a few minutes. Then the couple walked on a few paces, and quickly the husband turned and came back thrusting some money into my hand. Speaking softly the husband said, “Here. This is for what you said about not nagging, and if it does any good, I’ll give you twice as much the next time I see you.”
A closing thought. If you really want to see change in someone, don’t stand across the room and call that person names. Rather, mentally go across the room to where the person is. Try to see life from that perspective, and then, mentally, take the person by the hand and lead him or her to where you are. That’s the only way you can really see change in others.
Resource reading: Colossians 3:12-25.
