“The things that come out of the mouth come from the heart ….” (Matthew 15:18).
A husband came home to find his wife in tears. “What’s the matter, honey?” he inquired. “Well, let me tell you,” she began. “Today Junior cut his first tooth and took his first step.” “Oh, that sounds wonderful,” said the baby’s daddy. “Why the tears?” “Well,” said the wife, “he also had his first fall and cut his lip, and when he did, he said his first bad word.”
Without thinking of the implications, we may smile at that humor, but there is really nothing funny about the situation which a Guidelines’ listener described who wrote the following: “I am experiencing a terrible, terrible temper. I can get very violent and I do curse and yell very loud. What makes this behavior even worse is that I have a two-year-old who now says curse words, and a month-old baby who will learn them if I can’t stop this behavior.”
Out of the mouths of babes may come words that shock the hearers, words which innocent children neither understand or mean. Insight: by our examples, we parents are the great teachers of our children. It is both unfair and difficult for a parent to discipline a child for using words which he learned from the vocabulary of the parent.
In my file is an article by an unknown author which says it so clearly: “If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence. If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate. If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.”
We may condemn our schools for failing to provide a wholesome environment for learning. We may condemn the media for the steady diet of anti-family values. But the real failure which confronts our children today is the failure of parents to model the message and provide an example for our children to follow.
Yes, I understand the stress and frustration of a single parent, pressed by inadequate finances, weary by the constant push of the schedule and the loneliness of going it alone. But the real problem confronting our children today is our problem. It is us. When we parents have our act together, our kids are more secure. When we parents learn to discipline ourselves, our children require less discipline. When we learn how to make peace with the circumstances of our lives, our children learn to cope with the frustrations that surround them.
When Jesus talked about the issues of life, He always spoke of the heart. He stressed the fact that what we say and what we do are an extension of what we think in our hearts. In doing verbal combat with His detractors who wanted to observe the legalism of washing their hands when their hearts were impure, Jesus said, “The things that come out of the mouth come from the heart …. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man ‘unclean’; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him ‘unclean'” (Matthew 15:18-20).
If you, as a parent, are struggling with your own personal life, get help in coping with the pressures that confront you. Remember, it is the heart, not the mouth, which is the real heart of the issue.
Resource reading: Matthew 15:10-20.
