Bible Text: Luke 20:20 | Speaker: Dr. Harold J. Sala | Series: Guidelines For Living |

Keeping a close watch on him, they sent spies, who pretended to be honest. They hoped to catch Jesus in something he said so that they might hand him over to the power and authority of the governor. Luke 20:20

He was a young seminarian who had just taken his first church. His wife was a talented, attractive woman and the young pastor seemed very capable. As we were talking, discussing some rather personal issues, he confided that he and his wife had never prayed together. This struck me as really quite strange.

Here was a young man who believed in prayer; he led his congregation in prayer- at least on Sundays. He occasionally spoke on the subject of prayer, but he and his wife had never made it a regular practice to clasp hands and pray together.

Responding, I asked, “Would you mind telling me why not?” “No,” he said, somewhat embarrassed. “I’ve been afraid that if we prayed together, she would know how weak I am, how I struggle with some things, and I’ve been afraid that she wouldn’t look up to me as a strong person!”

Strange, isn’t it, how we think that the other person will never know what is obvious to almost everybody but ourselves? The fact is that women can accept and love men far more deeply when men are vulnerable and honest. It’s all part of intimacy with each other which goes far, far beyond what men usually associate with the subject.

Men have trouble being vulnerable, afraid to admit such feelings as fear, hurt, pain, inadequacy, thinking that to do so would result in rejection. The truth is that women would love their men all the more deeply because the man in her life has admitted what she already knew.

Intimacy is the openness to share your heart without fearing rejection or censure. It is accepting and embracing each other as we are, with wholehearted commitment. It is knowing the fears and pain of another without mocking the needlessness of it all. It is supporting the other emotionally, physically and spiritually. It is holding someone close and whispering, “It’s OK” when logic cannot rise to do battle with emotions. It is this, plus a very great deal more.

Merle Shain, in his book, Courage My Love, says, “Intimacy is a haven where your vulnerabilities don’t humiliate you, where sex is always warm and close, and all your funny lines are understood. It’s knowing someone so well you can no longer tell where they begin and you leave off, as in the cartoon in which one old person says to another, ‘Which one of us doesn’t like broccoli?’ It’s an eye that catches yours across the room; it’s pet names, and making plans, a cup of tea brought to bed. It’s a hug when you need it and even when you don’t; it’s knowing you have a date for Saturday night.”

I’ve been thinking a great deal recently about intimacy in marriage, and my thoughts have gone from that to my relationship with God. What is necessary to forge a relationship of intimacy in marriage, is also necessary if I am to go beyond a formal relationship with God, if I am to enjoy the warmth of the relationship which God makes possible; if I would reach out to Him in the manner in which he reaches out to me. What’s necessary? Deep communication, which I can have by pouring out my heart in prayer.

Secondly, I need to be completely vulnerable. Why not? God already knows me. When I confess my sin and failure, am I not being vulnerable? Am I not seeing life from His point of view?

Then there is acceptance without censure. “Like as a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him” (Psalm 103:13). God does not sternly rebuke my failure; He forgives and reaches out with strength to steady me as I learn to walk without falling.

Honesty, sensitivity, and confidentiality are part of this relationship as well–all of which God has promised in His word. Think about it, friend. It is all there as you trust Him.

Resource reading: John 1